In Response to the Fishman Review

Recently a self proclaimed literary critic, writing under the name The Fishman, reviewed this blog on a blog titled the Fishman Review(http://fishmanreview.blogspot.com/).  At first I did not feel it was necessary to respond to this review but after receiving several comments regarding things mentioned in the review I have decided to issue an official response from Ol'Dirty.  It took me a while to think of all the aspects in which the Fishman review was wrong.  I paced around my computer and even went for a brief walk to try and calm my frayed nerves.  I carefully analyzed and scrutinized every aspect of the review which I disagreed with in an attempt to formulate a significant counter argument to the consensus The Fishman comes to regarding this humble blog.  After much deliberation and several cups of Earl Gray, and a few puffs on my pipe, I finally have figured out what I would like to say to the Fishman:  Your a cunt and I hate you

Analyze that   

Rules of Bumming Vol 3: The Tack On Order

This move is only appropriate with your close friends who wont get very angry at you for doing it.  When your at a non sit down restaurant (eg a cafe, a sandwich shop, a bakery), allow your friend to order first then as they finish add your order on to theirs.

Sample:

Friend: (to cashier) I would like two cookies, a cupcake, and a blueberry muffin.

Me: And one cupcake with that.

Friend: Oh Matt your so slick.

The objective is to put the person in the position where they have to cancel your order or pay for it. More often then not your friend will end up paying for it.  Obviously use restraint with this one, as it is on of the doucheir moves in the book.  Do it to the same person too much and you might end up in an uncomfortable situation.  This move requires some guts, don't attempt it if you dont feel comfortable with it.       

   

Popeye's Fucks Up Again

In the Spirt of Chicken:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pyW6w5B7Aw&feature=haxa_popt00us01

I cant tell if its just a coincidence that no white people go to popeyes or if they just dont show them.  (thanks for showing me this EP)

Blue Ribbon SoHo & Park Slope

The Blue Ribbon family of restaurants is everywhere.  The restaurant's owners run an impressive array of eight New York eating and drinking spots, with a planned cafe located in Williamburg's Brooklyn Bowl Bowling alley scheduled to open this spring.  Although the namesake belongs to a wide variety of stores, including bakeries, sushi houses, bars, and restaurants, I will be talking about the companies main stays, its Brasseries (fancy French word for small restaurant).  The SoHo location is 97 Sullivan st, and the Park Slope location is 280 5th ave.  I have only ever been to the Brooklyn version, but the menus are nearly identical, with slightly more offerings at the Brooklyn spot.  Despite the use of the word Brasserie implying that this is a small restaurant, Blue ribbon has no comfy small operation feel.  The place is nicely decorated with comfortable chairs and a wood paneled bar.  Overall the look of the place says basically "Im a expensive restaurant," and this pretty accurately reflects the new trendiness of Park Slope's 5th ave, as well as the fact that this is an expensive restaurant.  

But enough about that what about the food.  For your first time here you would be a fool to order anything but the fried chicken.  You might be thinking "I'm at a classy joint i'm gonna order foie gras, or some other dish I will pretend to like" but do yourself a favor and go with the chicken.  The chicken is lightly coated with not only bread but matzo meal adding a perfect crunch to the skin.  The chicken itself is spiced lightly and cooked perfectly.  Despite the crunchy outside, out of the three times i've ordered this chicken the inside has never been dry, but retained its moistness.  Chicken portions are generous, and the whole thing is served with greens and potatoes, and honey on the side for dipping.  The rest of Blue Ribbons menu is pretty good, although nothing is quite as spectacular as the chicken, and its all priced like it should be.             

*

*with regard to my last post Herpes is not fun to get or have

Come for the taco's, Stay for the diarrhea

I recently came across a listing in New York Magazine that 3 "professional eaters" (losers) will attempt to eat a thirty six foot long taco on May 5th at Grand Central Stations Zocalo. The first thing I thought about was the massive case of the runs that these pros are undoubtedly going to receive for their endeavor. Let me start by saying that I like Mexican food. Mexican food to me is basically comfort food, cheese, meat, avocado, sour cream, in a easy to hold bun. I may be grossly over simplifying Mexican food here, but I like to call Mexican food the herpes of food, because its fun to get but not fun to have. The truth is I cannot thoroughly enjoy Mexican food because it wrecks my fragile digestive system. Nothing ruins a mood like enjoying a good meal and then running to he potty. The break down of my past trip to Mexico was pretty much as follows: 10% travel time, 10% shopping time, 30% sightseeing time, 50% toilet time. This condition is not helped by the huge servings that most NYC Mexican places give, and the fatty low quality ingredients they use. I wish the city had some fine dining joints from our friends South of the border, but if there is a gourmet Mexican place in nyc, one that uses fresh ingredients and moderate portions, I haven't found it. If such a place does exist let me know about it.

A conversation I had with a girl in my school regarding Mexican Swine Flu
Me: you went to a Mexican place? hope you dont get swine flu.
Girl: Oh my God how do you get that?
Me: Touching Mexicans
Girl: Shit i'm fucked.

Rules of Bumming Vol 2: Best of the Worst/ Do the Dollar Menu

The truth is there isnt that much quality cheap food out there.  How do you survive in this environment?  You have to take the best of the worst.  Fast food joints are unfortunately the restaurants in our range at this point in our lives, so i've come up with a few tips for getting at least a halfway decent meal out of one, while skimping on the wallet hurt. 

1.  Best of the Worst:  Despite what the hippies might tell you not all fast food is the same.  Just like any food there are levels of quality and goodness.  Places like Quizzno's, while no fine experience, are better then place like Taco Bell in terms of ingredients and taste.  Im not going to give you a list of my favorite fast food joints, but I will tell you my least favorite is White Castle (anyone who thinks this is ironic cause of a certain movie can go Fuck themselves), you have probably eaten enough fast food in your life to make your own list. 

2.  Do the Dollar Menu:  A lot of fast food places have fine institutions such as the dollar menu.  Thank God for the dollar menu, seriously wise use of the dollar menu can save you serious bank.  For example a 10 pc mcnugget meal is about $7.50, with chicken, medium soda and fries.  If your willing to cut back just a little bit, you can get 2, 4 pice chicken mcnugget snacks off the dollar menu, and a small fries off the dollar menu, all for 3 dollars (pull off the water trick from last volume to replace the soda).  You have saved 4 dollars in exchange for 2 less mcnuggets and a few less fries.