Pigs

Not all meat is created equal, there are those meats that are saved for special occasions and for me its pork. I probably eat beef every other day (lol pun) and chicken at least once a week, but pork. Pork is special, even sausage links are a special breakfast for me. So here is a list of the 35 best pork dishes is NYC, courtesy of NYMAG.

PIGS

Drinks for babies

Notice the dank drink cozy! An excellent way to tag drinking pictures on Facebook without worrying that your boss at the ice cream shop is going to fire you.


So you fifteen and you decided its about time to start drinking because that cool kid at your school who wears DC everything told you how fun it was that time he played super smash bros "fucking smashed bro." The only problem is alcohol is so yuckers! I mean beer tastes like someone boiled a grandma and then bottled the water so how am I going to get fucking smashed too? Look no further then OLD DIRTY RESTAURANTS GUIDE TO ALCOHOL FOR PUSSIES:

Mikes Hard Lemonade: The truth is this stuff tastes pretty good, almost like a very popular citrus beverage whose name I forget, oh yeh lemonade. Don't let those commercials fool you, Mikes is not for flannel wearing guys at pool parties, its for kids like you who like the taste of lemonade and want to get retarded. Mike's basically tastes just like lemonade which is sweet bro! All the fun none of the work! When your puking yellow your going to wonder what you drank to make you bang that fat chick.

Smirnoff Ice: Just like Mikes only it comes in even more flavors! YAY. This drink is so cool that a bunch of those older lacrosse kids at your school play a game where they make each other drink it because they like it that much, its called icing and you should start doing it. Theres even a flavor that comes already mixed with cola so you don't have to.

St Ides Special Brew: The dankest of the dank for you kiddies. Not only does St Ides taste like soda, but Tupac shouts it out in a song. You know Tupac the rapper? Anyway its popular among those urban people, so it must be cool! Watch out though, make sure you get the Special Brew kind with all sorts of good flavorings like mint and berry, if you get the normal stuff it tastes like piss with no chaser.

Four Loko: actually Four Loko is not for you you can't handle it.

PS: Yes I have personally sampled all these drinks but it was for science dammit...except Four Loko...that was just for funsies.

NYPD undertakes first four loko raid

I shutter to even mention Four Loko on this prestigious blog considering this is a blog all about taste, and Four Loko tastes like... like someone melted jolly ranchers in a can of Olde English. However this story is just too good to pass on so here it goes. Apparently Xiao Ye, the downtown Manhattan bar, promoted a Four Loko Thursday which the police took issue with. First off why would you serve deli booze in a bar to begin with. I guess it was only a matter of time before some sick (or smart) fucker decided to make a cocktail out of the stuff. My best guess for a Four Loko cocktail is one part Four Loko and one Roofie, and maybe some lemon juice, I would call it a "right to the point," and it would cost 23 dollars. Anyway I digress, NYPD got wind of the event and decided to kick down the bar's door (I don't actually know if this happened I'm just assuming they kicked down the door) and ,according to the bar's owner, proceeded to seize and allegedly destroy all Four Loko on the premises. The problem is the State Liquor Authority and NYPD say they didn't pour the booze out or even confiscate it, since they didn't have "an evidence locker for that kind of thing." I like to imagine that the cops did pour out all the booze prohibition style, and now there are some very drunk fish swimming around the Hudson. I would like to applauded the NYPD for trying to rid us of this drink, which I can only imagine is made on an assembly line of Oompa Loompas vomiting into cans.

Speaking of Four Loko I decided to write my next post on "alcohol for pussies" anyone with any suggestions please comment them or send me a text if I noe you like dat.

Rules of Bumming vol 10: Your Friends in college come from all sorts of places, some of these places have good food.

No one really likes the food they're served in college. I go to a school with excellent food (compared to other colleges anyway). A decent percentage of the food I eat in my school's dining hall is outsourced to local farms, the variety of food is impressive, and the execution is overall excellent. But no matter how good the food is Chicken finger Friday is only fun for so long, even if the Chicken fingers are good. So thats why I've worked the care package system like no ones business. I'm not saying that my parents send me a steady supply of food from the city (that would not be bumming), I'm saying other peoples parents supply me with food from their cities, and towns, and in some cases villages. Allow me to explain. Everyone in college kind of thinks wherever their is the best place on earth, and they are eager to prove it to their new friends. So whenever someone takes a weekend back home, or is on the phone with mom asking for a shipment of goodies, I just tack on my order. So far I've found that out of some weird desire to show me how awesome the village of Bumfuck is people are all too willing to shower me in their regions best food. So far I've accumulated 20 Montreal Bagels (see my entry on Mile End deli), countless bars of Vermont cheddar, apples from the Adirondack region, and a curious drink called Ginger Jack from an orchard in VT. In the end everyone is happy, I get my food, they get some respect, and its not like I'm cheating these kids out of anything. Its the parents who are paying for all this food, and parents money is like monopoly money anyway.

PS: if this makes me sound like a snobby New Yorker who gives out respect to other regions like its gold... well I kind of am snobby New Yorker.

Oh the seventies

My mother used to be a waitress at the Tudor City Hotel, a pretty high end joint back in the day. The hotel's restaurant was a formal place, waitresses wore crisp white uniforms and followed strict serving codes. The chef of the place was a Chinese man, and I guess the pressure of managing a kitchen at a high end hotel got to him because he was always high out of his mind. On day he was chopping a cucumber when he was hit with a brilliant idea. Stopping to put down his knife he unzipped his pants and slapped down his little buddy onto the cutting board next to the cucumber. He then resumed cutting veggies dangerously close to his exposed penis, all the while laughing and shouting "I'm the best chef in the world!" Kitchens are crazy places.

Care package

I have a pound of hard salami from Katz's in my dorm room, fuck ramen noodles.