In Response to the Fishman Review

Recently a self proclaimed literary critic, writing under the name The Fishman, reviewed this blog on a blog titled the Fishman Review(http://fishmanreview.blogspot.com/).  At first I did not feel it was necessary to respond to this review but after receiving several comments regarding things mentioned in the review I have decided to issue an official response from Ol'Dirty.  It took me a while to think of all the aspects in which the Fishman review was wrong.  I paced around my computer and even went for a brief walk to try and calm my frayed nerves.  I carefully analyzed and scrutinized every aspect of the review which I disagreed with in an attempt to formulate a significant counter argument to the consensus The Fishman comes to regarding this humble blog.  After much deliberation and several cups of Earl Gray, and a few puffs on my pipe, I finally have figured out what I would like to say to the Fishman:  Your a cunt and I hate you

Analyze that   

Rules of Bumming Vol 3: The Tack On Order

This move is only appropriate with your close friends who wont get very angry at you for doing it.  When your at a non sit down restaurant (eg a cafe, a sandwich shop, a bakery), allow your friend to order first then as they finish add your order on to theirs.

Sample:

Friend: (to cashier) I would like two cookies, a cupcake, and a blueberry muffin.

Me: And one cupcake with that.

Friend: Oh Matt your so slick.

The objective is to put the person in the position where they have to cancel your order or pay for it. More often then not your friend will end up paying for it.  Obviously use restraint with this one, as it is on of the doucheir moves in the book.  Do it to the same person too much and you might end up in an uncomfortable situation.  This move requires some guts, don't attempt it if you dont feel comfortable with it.       

   

Popeye's Fucks Up Again

In the Spirt of Chicken:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pyW6w5B7Aw&feature=haxa_popt00us01

I cant tell if its just a coincidence that no white people go to popeyes or if they just dont show them.  (thanks for showing me this EP)

Blue Ribbon SoHo & Park Slope

The Blue Ribbon family of restaurants is everywhere.  The restaurant's owners run an impressive array of eight New York eating and drinking spots, with a planned cafe located in Williamburg's Brooklyn Bowl Bowling alley scheduled to open this spring.  Although the namesake belongs to a wide variety of stores, including bakeries, sushi houses, bars, and restaurants, I will be talking about the companies main stays, its Brasseries (fancy French word for small restaurant).  The SoHo location is 97 Sullivan st, and the Park Slope location is 280 5th ave.  I have only ever been to the Brooklyn version, but the menus are nearly identical, with slightly more offerings at the Brooklyn spot.  Despite the use of the word Brasserie implying that this is a small restaurant, Blue ribbon has no comfy small operation feel.  The place is nicely decorated with comfortable chairs and a wood paneled bar.  Overall the look of the place says basically "Im a expensive restaurant," and this pretty accurately reflects the new trendiness of Park Slope's 5th ave, as well as the fact that this is an expensive restaurant.  

But enough about that what about the food.  For your first time here you would be a fool to order anything but the fried chicken.  You might be thinking "I'm at a classy joint i'm gonna order foie gras, or some other dish I will pretend to like" but do yourself a favor and go with the chicken.  The chicken is lightly coated with not only bread but matzo meal adding a perfect crunch to the skin.  The chicken itself is spiced lightly and cooked perfectly.  Despite the crunchy outside, out of the three times i've ordered this chicken the inside has never been dry, but retained its moistness.  Chicken portions are generous, and the whole thing is served with greens and potatoes, and honey on the side for dipping.  The rest of Blue Ribbons menu is pretty good, although nothing is quite as spectacular as the chicken, and its all priced like it should be.             

*

*with regard to my last post Herpes is not fun to get or have

Come for the taco's, Stay for the diarrhea

I recently came across a listing in New York Magazine that 3 "professional eaters" (losers) will attempt to eat a thirty six foot long taco on May 5th at Grand Central Stations Zocalo. The first thing I thought about was the massive case of the runs that these pros are undoubtedly going to receive for their endeavor. Let me start by saying that I like Mexican food. Mexican food to me is basically comfort food, cheese, meat, avocado, sour cream, in a easy to hold bun. I may be grossly over simplifying Mexican food here, but I like to call Mexican food the herpes of food, because its fun to get but not fun to have. The truth is I cannot thoroughly enjoy Mexican food because it wrecks my fragile digestive system. Nothing ruins a mood like enjoying a good meal and then running to he potty. The break down of my past trip to Mexico was pretty much as follows: 10% travel time, 10% shopping time, 30% sightseeing time, 50% toilet time. This condition is not helped by the huge servings that most NYC Mexican places give, and the fatty low quality ingredients they use. I wish the city had some fine dining joints from our friends South of the border, but if there is a gourmet Mexican place in nyc, one that uses fresh ingredients and moderate portions, I haven't found it. If such a place does exist let me know about it.

A conversation I had with a girl in my school regarding Mexican Swine Flu
Me: you went to a Mexican place? hope you dont get swine flu.
Girl: Oh my God how do you get that?
Me: Touching Mexicans
Girl: Shit i'm fucked.

Rules of Bumming Vol 2: Best of the Worst/ Do the Dollar Menu

The truth is there isnt that much quality cheap food out there.  How do you survive in this environment?  You have to take the best of the worst.  Fast food joints are unfortunately the restaurants in our range at this point in our lives, so i've come up with a few tips for getting at least a halfway decent meal out of one, while skimping on the wallet hurt. 

1.  Best of the Worst:  Despite what the hippies might tell you not all fast food is the same.  Just like any food there are levels of quality and goodness.  Places like Quizzno's, while no fine experience, are better then place like Taco Bell in terms of ingredients and taste.  Im not going to give you a list of my favorite fast food joints, but I will tell you my least favorite is White Castle (anyone who thinks this is ironic cause of a certain movie can go Fuck themselves), you have probably eaten enough fast food in your life to make your own list. 

2.  Do the Dollar Menu:  A lot of fast food places have fine institutions such as the dollar menu.  Thank God for the dollar menu, seriously wise use of the dollar menu can save you serious bank.  For example a 10 pc mcnugget meal is about $7.50, with chicken, medium soda and fries.  If your willing to cut back just a little bit, you can get 2, 4 pice chicken mcnugget snacks off the dollar menu, and a small fries off the dollar menu, all for 3 dollars (pull off the water trick from last volume to replace the soda).  You have saved 4 dollars in exchange for 2 less mcnuggets and a few less fries.      

Zucker's Bagels&Smoked Fish Tribeca

The other day I had the opportunity to eat at a highly recommended bagel joint just off broadway on Chambers Street.  Zuckers is known for both its quality bagels and its quality toppings so I had high expectations going in.  The menu is standard Bagel shop fare, which is fine.  I ordered a poppyseed bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon.  Price of my Bagel: one dollar, Price of my bagel once I added smoked salmon: 12.05 after tax, ouch.  Fish is pricey these days cause the Japanese dont know when to stop killing our swimming friends, so this was to be expected, but it still put a dent in my wallet.  Luckily they didn't skimp on the fish, I got several generous layers of thinly sliced smoked salmon on my nicely sized Bagel.  The bagel was forgettable, but still very good, where this place shines is with its fish, which, considering what I paid, was thankfully very flavorful and rich.  The place does have some other menu options such as sandwiches and soups but none of them came recommended and they were expensive.  I've since heard that if you want a real quality bagel you should take a trip to a place called Murray's Bagels, but Zucker's fish will certainly be hard to top.  

           

Dressler Williamburg

Dressler is not the kind of place you expect to find in Williamsburg.  There is a complete lack of skinny jeans, there are not a million fixed gear bikes locked up outside, and you will see zero raybans.  Dressler feels more like a transplanted uptown restaurant then a local favorite.  Located just across form the famous Peter Lugar's, Dressler is a restaurant not to be missed.  I recently had the chance to eat there and let me say it was one of the finest meals I've ever had in Brooklyn.  The menu is pretty much French, or at least French inspired.  I started with pan roasted scallops, which were perfectly cooked to just the right softness, and drizzled with white truffle oils.  For my main course I hit up the dove, thats right dove.  People in New York may have some second thoughts about ordering what is essentially a pigeon (I noticed that this entree has since been removed form the menu) but this was one of the most unique experiences i've had in a restaurant.  First off they didn't try and disguise what it is, your presented with pretty much the entire bird minus head.  The shit looks a little gross, I'm not going to lie.  Birds (especially doves) have this whole image as being pure, beautiful, symbols of peace, etc, and here was a lightly fried one on my plate.  Good thing it was delicious, the bird had been cooked in such a way that the skin had been thoroughly crisped, while the insides were still moist enough to not dry out your mouth, yet not overly moist as to be squishy or too soft.  This joint ain't cheap, it's probably one of the most expensive places in Brooklyn, get someone to take you there for your birthday           

Popeye's aint worth it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmZ8dkLmsWs&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ezoklet%2Enet%2Fbbs%2Fshowthread%2Ephp%3Fp%3D369197&feature=player_embedded

Ol Dirty x 4 o'clock eats

I would like to announce a collaboration with my friends over at the offices of http://4oclockeats.com/.  These guys know what's up in the village and downtown, an area which is home to literally hundreds of quality eaterys.  The website is still a work in progress, but expect updates and possible guest reviews on Ol Dirty in the future.    

Rules of Bumming Vol 1: Cup of Water/ Speak your clout.

So I'd like to start off what will hopefully become a regular series on ODR, Rules of Bumming.  Allow me to explain:  As I said before my budget an my taste buds often do not compute, so I've devised a few tips maximizing your change at restaurants and fast-food joints.  

1.  This is really a golden rule, become a regular.  This works more at cafes and sit down places then in fast food joints, where the staff changes constantly (who wants to work at a fast food joint).  If you become a familiar face and manage to develop relationships with the workers they might start doing favors.  No one is gonna comp your meal, but you might get the big cookie, or maybe thell turn the other way when your a dollar short.  The guys ay my local sandwich shop usually throw in a bag of chips on the house for me, and anyone whose ever gone to Cindy's knows what being a regular can get you (FREE EDAMOMI).     

2.  Praise due to my friend L Jones for popularizing this one.  Whenever your at a place where drinks are served by giving you a cup and allowing you to fill it up with your drink of choice from a  machine, always ask for water.  Free cups of water must legally be given upon request by restaurants, so when you say "oh ill just have a cup of water," turn around and fill that cup up with as much soda as you want.  Some people might cringe at the illegality of this but I have never once been called out, and who wants water when you can drink suicide juice.        

FIRST ENDORSEMENT

I would like to officially throw what little weight this blog has behind City Bakery on W 18th st.  This joint was awarded best hot chocolate by the 2009 city annual hot chocolate festival, and trust me its true.  Strictly comfort food here, mac and cheese and fried chicken, and of course baked goods.  There are some vegan options for you rabbit people out there.  Everything is well prepared and you can tell the ingredients are quality.  Hit it up when you can, watch out at night for drunk 30 year olds, it is the village.  

Moim park slope

So Im gonna start the posting off with some eastern flavor.  A little while back a Korean restaurant opened up on Garfield place in Park Slope Brooklyn.  Im always Down for new Korean food, especially if I dont have to shlep out to Queens to get it.  On top of this the place opened up with a favorable write up in the times dining section, and some good user reviews on NYmagazines website.  The first thing you will Notice is that Miom is nicely designed, fusing traditional Korean elements with crisp modern lines and materials.  The second thing you'l notice is the balding Korean man in skinny jeans and a sport coat sipping a Martini by the door.  Dont be scared this is the owner, dip past this herb and go to your table or he will try and engage you in broken hip talk.

FOOD:  I ordered Korean style ribs and White Kimchi.  Let me say that Moim is not at all an authentic Korean dining experience.  The foods have been extensively modernized and westernized, that is the spice has been toned down and the soy-sauce has been thrown on.  Thats not to say the meal isnt good.  Each dish was well prepared, and I especially commend them on their perfectly cooked ribs.  However some of their other dishes, such as their kimchi, were just so far from what Korean food should be that it was insulting.  The place aint cheap either.

Overall no endorsement.  Go to Queens for the real thing, Koreans practically own parts of that place.     

Follow the Smell

I lot of people I know have these, and I read some of them.... so I figured I could do it and I made one to talk about whatever I feel like... And mainly I feel like eating.  

Food: I'm a poor guy living in NYC so i'm always looking for cheap eats, unfortunately I come from certified gourmet blood "Beer income champagne taste" as Grandma used to say RIP.  So i'm always down for good relatively cheap food.  Luckily im not all white bread theres a little yella in me so I likes me my Asian foods so Ill make sure to hit you with a good dose of food from that area of the globe.